Why,
in my confused youth, did my guidance counselor never tell me about the
wonderful opportunities in meteorology? As I valiantly prepared for our
predicted 10-12 inches this past snowfall by stocking up on non perishables
& flashlight batteries, I patiently wait for a storm to rival the great
blizzard of '78… Well after a 24 hour vigil, dressed in a snow suit with salt
bag in one hand, shovel in the other, I begin to realize this so-called
Nor’easter is not to be.
Now
that I think about it, I don’t think there has ever been a time when the
weather folks actually got a storm right. Let’s look at this for a
minute - here is a job with the latest technology, great pay and benefits, and
hours that any retiree would love. Plus, if I performed half as bad at my
job as the meteorologist does on every news-worthy storm, I’d have a permanent
parking spot at the unemployment office.
News-worthy
storm? I mean, the real job of the meteorologist is not to predict the
storm and it’s route of travel, we already know that’s like trying to
predict the next time I can sit through a New England sports broadcast without
spewing my lunch all over the television set. Watch the meteorologist next
time there should or shouldn’t be a big storm - they will dazzle you with
their computerized graphics and satellite images. They will amaze and
wonder you with their field reporters, on the scene, to give you
up-to-the-minute coverage… So what is really going on with the storm?
Well, the storm will hover in limbo just outside of New England, it will wait
until the meteorologist has made their predictions and, depending on that
prediction, if the forecast is for anything over 5 inches - then the storm
magically just misses us and heads out to sea. But if the forecast is one
of a dusting, then we get belted with 15 to 105 inches in 3 hours.
When
a storm catches us by surprise, there is no mention of the meteorologist’s
inability to come even remotely close to the amount and severity of the snow
fall. Remember 1978? Oh, what a banner day for weather wizards from
the bay state. They had fantastic aerial views of stranded cars on 128 and
every school closing from the Cape to NH. Why do you suppose there were so
many cars stuck on 128 and other major high ways? Because everyone
listened to the weather folks… a little footnote, North Reading High School
was probably the only school that didn’t close during the blizzard of '78…
The buses were equipped with flamethrowers. But damned if they don’t
have camera crews set up at every ice-covered street to show tractor-trailers
and other jack-knifing prone vehicles plowing into parked cars (I think it’s
common unspoken knowledge that before going live to a field reporter, they
supposedly spray the roadway with a fire hose). So… if I had Mr.
Peabody’s Way-Back Machine, I would travel back in time to June 6, 1980.
And after accepting my diploma from the distinguished North Reading High School,
I would head straight to the guidance counselors' office, pull his underwear up
over his head, thank him for nothing, and then head straight to the Meteorology
Institute of Technology.
